June 2008 Archives

I found out recently that a friend's cousin was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma.  She's 34 years old and has two children.  She's in desperate need of a bone marrow transplant, but has been unable to find a donor.  I also found out that that part of the problem is that there aren't enough Indians who are registered donors.  Only one percent of the 10 million plus people on the donor registry are Indian.  ONE PERCENT!!!   And that's actually a problem because heritage does play a factor in matching. 

From the National Marrow Donor Program website:
Racial and ethnic heritage are very important factors. Because tissue types are inherited, patients are most likely to match someone of their own race or ethnicity. Today, there simply aren't enough registered donors of diverse racial and ethnic heritage. Adding more diverse donors increases the likelihood that all patients will find a life-saving match.

As someone who had lymphoma, this hits hard.  I could have easily been in the same situation.  And then what?

I'm sending out the word to encourage my friends and family to get on this list.  Please participate in any donor program that may be going on in your area.  If there isn't anything, please go to the National Marrow Donor Program website to see what you can do to help.  All it takes is a little bit of time to do so.  But that little time can help give more precious time to someone in need.

I've been hanging out in the Bay Area since last Saturday.  It had been a long time (since January) since I was here last.  My main motivation was to see my friends, most of whom I was only able to talk to on the phone during all of the cancer stuff. 

I'm also using this as an opportunity to regain some focus on work.  It's been tough to get motivated to work sometimes when sitting by myself in the house, and not having something to look forward to in the evening.  This is also a good week to learn about what opportunities I can take advantage of within Oracle.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for some good ones that could involve a bit of travel. 

Since this is the place where I met Shruti, I find myself being reminded of a lot of the good things that we used to do here. Like wine tasting, eating sushi, hanging out with our friends, Bella Vista, Burlingame, etc.  It's hard not to be reminded of those things on a daily basis and not feel sad or bitter or confused.  What was so bad that it couldn't be figured out?  Wasn't there enough of the good in our lives to overcome it?  I guess not.

This trip so far has helped to get past all of this.  I've gotten to talk to my friends about all of the stuff that has been going on.  Some conversations have been deep enough to help me examine my own feelings on things.  Like the dating scene.  I realized that I'm ok with meeting people, but I am definitely not ready to put any of the effort into it.  I'd rather have things happen naturally as long as I'm honest with the people I meet.  I've also gotten a chance to better figure out what my shorter term goals are.

I'm so glad that I'm here because I've gotten to meet some of the people that I haven't seen in a long time.  I'm here for another week so I do plan on doing more of that.

So, yesterday was the first court date.  It was also the first time I saw Shruti since she had left me in March.  I was a bit nervous.  I had no idea what my feelings were going to be when I did see her.  Luckily, the hearing was a lot shorter than expected.  No testimonies, just some resolution that was a compromise for anything.  There's another hearing in August that will finish off the marriage and divide up all of the assets. 

At this point, I don't really know what to say about all of this.  It is very surreal. One minute, you think everything is going alright. Then the next minute, your heart is being broken by someone you'd hope would support you, especially the times you needed that person the most.  Believe me, it sucks.  I still love her.  I miss her terribly.  There are days I feel like picking up the phone and just saying hi, like I used to.  But, I have to deal with it as if it were as she had died or something like that. 

I guess what makes it hard is not knowing the reasons why.  Like I said, I thought things were fine.  Sure, we had our fights, but I never thought that the marriage was in trouble.  All of those things are normal.  It makes me sad to think of it because I felt like things were at a point where it all makes sense.  We had the house, we were trying to start a family.  It never felt like things were spiraling out of control.  I guess in the end, she decided that I wasn't the right person for her. 

And it was her decision, not mine.  I only had to respond the way I did because I had no choice in the matter.  I was put in a position where I had to take care of myself and wasn't able to rely on my spouse for any support whatsoever.  So, now, she's made it clear that I'm not her responsibility, so therefore she should no longer be mine, regardless of how I feel about her.  I won't let her take advantage of me.  What would you do?

So, I have to figure out what to do with myself.  Contrary to popular belief, I'm not really dating.  I don't think that it's time to dive into any serious relationships.  I won't deny myself the opportunity to meet people, but I won't get into any serious relationship until the time is right.  That's not fair to me or that other person.  I've heard of too many stories of rushing into something unhealthy.  I'm not going to be that person.

This past weekend was my cousin Rohit's wedding in Arizona. It was a blast, seeing the family, playing some golf, sitting poolside, drinking beer and scotch, and dancing some serious bhangra.  What more can you ask for?

Well, it was also a bit tough. I was the last person to get married.  It felt like yesterday that we were celebrating my own marriage.  I mean, it was only two and a half years ago.  So, I felt pretty sad at times just seeing two people taking the same step that Shruti and I did back then.  The only difference is that I know Rohit and Purvi will make it all work, whereas it couldn't work for us.  And now, with the divorce, I'm now branded as the divorced guy, the guy who couldn't make it work, the guy who could have screwed it up.  That's the elephant in the room. 

Fortunately, the subject never came up, even in one on one conversations.  And while I don't mind talking about the subject in other situations, this weekend, I didn't want to do that at all.  The whole weekend was about Rohit and Purvi.  And I was happy to see that everything went well and that they enjoyed their time in the resort.  I'm truly happy for them. 

Yes, I'm talking about that game that you haven't played since third grade.  I joined a kickball league for the summer.  It's a great way to get out there and meet some new people and drink lots of beer.  Essentially, this is a beer league.  Beer on the sidelines, in the outfield, drinking while running the bases.

Today was our second game.  For the "coin toss", we did a beer chug relay.  Three of us on each side, lining up, each starting to chug when the previous person was done.  We won this coin toss, but lost the game.  We lost something to three.  Can't even remember now.  The chugging didn't really help.  Haven't done that since college.

My friend Scott pointed me to the Play Coed site.  Apparently, there are different leagues for different sports.  It's a great way to do some fun stuff in Denver. 

So, today was my last radiation treatment.  As far as I know, I'm officially done with all treatments.  WooHoo...I cannot say that I'm officially cured.  I have an appointment with Dr. Feiner in a few weeks, and I'll have him make that call.  But no more scheduled treatments, chemo or radiation!!!

Radiation was, for the most part, uneventful.  For 17 treatments, I drove 25 minutes all the way to Rose Medical Center, took 5 minutes to prep for the treatment...all for 13 seconds of actual radiation on the front of my neck and 13 seconds for the back.  It took the full three weeks to finally feel the affects of the radiation.  My throat has been a little bit sore.  Underneath my chin on the right side, I can see a patch of skin where the hair is not growing.  It even got a little of my goatee so that looks a little uneven now.  I haven't decided if I'll shave the entire thing off.  I was told that it may take till the end of the summer to grow back.

I am pretty thankful for the nurses/technicians at Rose.  They made everything so easy there.  So, afterwards, they gave me a certificate and some hugs.  I also got my massage, which they provide for free for the patients.  It was really great. 

Time to celebrate!!!