So, yesterday was the first court date. It was also the first time I saw Shruti since she had left me in March. I was a bit nervous. I had no idea what my feelings were going to be when I did see her. Luckily, the hearing was a lot shorter than expected. No testimonies, just some resolution that was a compromise for anything. There's another hearing in August that will finish off the marriage and divide up all of the assets.
At this point, I don't really know what to say about all of this. It is very surreal. One minute, you think everything is going alright. Then the next minute, your heart is being broken by someone you'd hope would support you, especially the times you needed that person the most. Believe me, it sucks. I still love her. I miss her terribly. There are days I feel like picking up the phone and just saying hi, like I used to. But, I have to deal with it as if it were as she had died or something like that.
I guess what makes it hard is not knowing the reasons why. Like I said, I thought things were fine. Sure, we had our fights, but I never thought that the marriage was in trouble. All of those things are normal. It makes me sad to think of it because I felt like things were at a point where it all makes sense. We had the house, we were trying to start a family. It never felt like things were spiraling out of control. I guess in the end, she decided that I wasn't the right person for her.
And it was her decision, not mine. I only had to respond the way I did because I had no choice in the matter. I was put in a position where I had to take care of myself and wasn't able to rely on my spouse for any support whatsoever. So, now, she's made it clear that I'm not her responsibility, so therefore she should no longer be mine, regardless of how I feel about her. I won't let her take advantage of me. What would you do?
So, I have to figure out what to do with myself. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not really dating. I don't think that it's time to dive into any serious relationships. I won't deny myself the opportunity to meet people, but I won't get into any serious relationship until the time is right. That's not fair to me or that other person. I've heard of too many stories of rushing into something unhealthy. I'm not going to be that person.
At this point, I don't really know what to say about all of this. It is very surreal. One minute, you think everything is going alright. Then the next minute, your heart is being broken by someone you'd hope would support you, especially the times you needed that person the most. Believe me, it sucks. I still love her. I miss her terribly. There are days I feel like picking up the phone and just saying hi, like I used to. But, I have to deal with it as if it were as she had died or something like that.
I guess what makes it hard is not knowing the reasons why. Like I said, I thought things were fine. Sure, we had our fights, but I never thought that the marriage was in trouble. All of those things are normal. It makes me sad to think of it because I felt like things were at a point where it all makes sense. We had the house, we were trying to start a family. It never felt like things were spiraling out of control. I guess in the end, she decided that I wasn't the right person for her.
And it was her decision, not mine. I only had to respond the way I did because I had no choice in the matter. I was put in a position where I had to take care of myself and wasn't able to rely on my spouse for any support whatsoever. So, now, she's made it clear that I'm not her responsibility, so therefore she should no longer be mine, regardless of how I feel about her. I won't let her take advantage of me. What would you do?
So, I have to figure out what to do with myself. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not really dating. I don't think that it's time to dive into any serious relationships. I won't deny myself the opportunity to meet people, but I won't get into any serious relationship until the time is right. That's not fair to me or that other person. I've heard of too many stories of rushing into something unhealthy. I'm not going to be that person.
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