I just finished Lance Armstrong's book It's Not About the Bike. I had been meaning to read it for a while because of the cancer. It took me about two days to finish it because I ended up being totally engrossed in it. My eyes teared up many times as I remembered all of the things that had happened to me in the last few months. While Lance went through a much more aggressive form of life-threatening cancer, I could relate to some of the feelings that he went through. It just goes to show that when it comes to crisis, you're not quite alone.
When I first heard that I could have something serious as cancer, I was totally freaked out. In fact, I also thought that I was going to die. I didn't know what kind of cancer this was. I didn't know what would happen. Later on when I learned how chemo can affect the immune system, I was really scared that I could get sick and that I could die from cold some kid gave me. When Shruti decided to depart, it was two days before my first chemo treatment. I was also pretty damn scared. I didn't want to go through this alone. I have no family in this area, and I don't have too many close friends either. All I wanted was to be taken care of by the people who loved me. Since I couldn't rely on my spouse for that, I relied on the people I knew I could rely on the most, my parents and my sister. And that's probably the only reason why I was able to get past the cancer in the time I did. And I am a cancer survivor now. But I'm only in remission, meaning that it can still come back. And that is pretty scary.
I went through a lot during those months, and I'm still going through a lot now. People have told me how much they were impressed by how strong I am. Believe me, I don't think I am that strong. On the outside, it may look at that, but on the inside, it is pretty damn hard. There is still a lot of anxiety, remorse, anger, sadness. You name it.
But back the book, I'm one of the lucky ones, though. If it weren't for the crises in my life, I would haven't be making this journey to rebuild my life and realizing the things that are the most important to me. It's not about my job working a zillion hours a week. It's not about obtaining material wealth (although I still like my gadgets). It's about the people you love and who love you back. It's about the people you can count on when the going gets tough. It's about getting out your comfort zone and doing things that you didn't do or normally wouldn't do. And most of all, it's about remembering that you have to have faith that things will get better, even when the curveballs are thrown your way. That's how I'm trying to live my life now, even on the days when it's hard to believe it.
I recommend this book to anyone who is going through a life-altering event. It'll give you some perspective on things. Note of caution: this book may cause you to start watching the Tour du France on TV.
When I first heard that I could have something serious as cancer, I was totally freaked out. In fact, I also thought that I was going to die. I didn't know what kind of cancer this was. I didn't know what would happen. Later on when I learned how chemo can affect the immune system, I was really scared that I could get sick and that I could die from cold some kid gave me. When Shruti decided to depart, it was two days before my first chemo treatment. I was also pretty damn scared. I didn't want to go through this alone. I have no family in this area, and I don't have too many close friends either. All I wanted was to be taken care of by the people who loved me. Since I couldn't rely on my spouse for that, I relied on the people I knew I could rely on the most, my parents and my sister. And that's probably the only reason why I was able to get past the cancer in the time I did. And I am a cancer survivor now. But I'm only in remission, meaning that it can still come back. And that is pretty scary.
I went through a lot during those months, and I'm still going through a lot now. People have told me how much they were impressed by how strong I am. Believe me, I don't think I am that strong. On the outside, it may look at that, but on the inside, it is pretty damn hard. There is still a lot of anxiety, remorse, anger, sadness. You name it.
But back the book, I'm one of the lucky ones, though. If it weren't for the crises in my life, I would haven't be making this journey to rebuild my life and realizing the things that are the most important to me. It's not about my job working a zillion hours a week. It's not about obtaining material wealth (although I still like my gadgets). It's about the people you love and who love you back. It's about the people you can count on when the going gets tough. It's about getting out your comfort zone and doing things that you didn't do or normally wouldn't do. And most of all, it's about remembering that you have to have faith that things will get better, even when the curveballs are thrown your way. That's how I'm trying to live my life now, even on the days when it's hard to believe it.
I recommend this book to anyone who is going through a life-altering event. It'll give you some perspective on things. Note of caution: this book may cause you to start watching the Tour du France on TV.
Greetings from a former Lowell-dweller. Hint: I lived two doors down from you and had a Tandy 1000sx with a 1200 baud modem. Man that was a screamer!
Anyway, heard about this blog from Tim, had to drop you a line and say hi. E-mail me anytime, and when you're back in the mitten State, drop me a line and I'll buy you a beer.
Take care,
Tony