For the last few days, I've been trying to organize all of my files so that pictures, etc. that pertain to Shruti and me are put somewhere where I don't have to see them. I won't be deleting them quite yet, but they will be put somewhere not easily accessible. I also did the same thing with the emails that I've saved over the years between Shruti and me. I actually read some of these emails and some of the Google chat sessions.
I've been saying how surprised about all of this. I am still surprised, but I'm more surprised at the timing of it all. Shruti deserves alot of blame on that. She decided to be selfish. She decided to kick me when I was already down and then tell me she still cared for me. So, I still think that she turned out to be cold and uncaring and selfish. And she did hurt a lot of people that cared for her by the actions.
After reading the past emails, I know I cannot put all of the blame on her. I do deserve some of the blame. (I am only saying some of the blame.) I know that I wasn't the best husband. (Hell, she pointed out how I didn't do some of the things other husbands did.) I know that sometimes I could have been a real ass. I am a stubborn Punjabi male. I know that I probably said somethings I shouldn't have, didn't follow through on things I should have, etc. Basically, I didn't always recognize how she would react to me, so I should have kept my mouth shut or said things differently.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda.
I guess this is important to realize and be able to apply things I learned in the next relationship. Again, it's funny. I'm not sure if this would have happened. But, sometimes, I think that if she didn't cross that one line, I would have been OK with the separation instead of the divorce. And then maybe there would have been a chance to figure out if this is really what we both wanted. It would have been less painful, maybe for the both of us. Unfortunately, she did cross that line.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda.
I've been saying how surprised about all of this. I am still surprised, but I'm more surprised at the timing of it all. Shruti deserves alot of blame on that. She decided to be selfish. She decided to kick me when I was already down and then tell me she still cared for me. So, I still think that she turned out to be cold and uncaring and selfish. And she did hurt a lot of people that cared for her by the actions.
After reading the past emails, I know I cannot put all of the blame on her. I do deserve some of the blame. (I am only saying some of the blame.) I know that I wasn't the best husband. (Hell, she pointed out how I didn't do some of the things other husbands did.) I know that sometimes I could have been a real ass. I am a stubborn Punjabi male. I know that I probably said somethings I shouldn't have, didn't follow through on things I should have, etc. Basically, I didn't always recognize how she would react to me, so I should have kept my mouth shut or said things differently.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda.
I guess this is important to realize and be able to apply things I learned in the next relationship. Again, it's funny. I'm not sure if this would have happened. But, sometimes, I think that if she didn't cross that one line, I would have been OK with the separation instead of the divorce. And then maybe there would have been a chance to figure out if this is really what we both wanted. It would have been less painful, maybe for the both of us. Unfortunately, she did cross that line.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda.
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