August 2008 Archives

I'm definitely ready to date again.  I still want the same things I wanted before: a stable relationship with someone who will make me happy, someone I will eventually marry and have a family with.  My thoughts on marriage have not changed because of what I went through.  I still have those goals.  I'm just in the position of having to start over, and I'm in the fortunate position of having a better idea of who would make me happy. 

For those who are reading this blog, I do expect you to be on the lookout for me now :-)

Recently though, I've learned that just mentioning my divorce can be a liability.  I was talking to someone that I was trying to get to know better, and, in the spirit of being honest and forthright, I had mentioned that my divorce was relatively recent. Needless to say, I was relegated to the "friend zone".  I am a bit disappointed, but not really surprised.

Here's the thing.  People will judge me right away if I mention the divorce, and especially if I mention that it was recent.  I can understand that, because I would have done the same thing if I was in their shoes.  The only way to prove that I'm over my marriage is for them to get to know the real me.  Maybe I'm not 100% over with the hurt, but I'm pretty close.  I still have a few loose ends to deal with, and on some days the bitterness comes back for a few hours.  But I've also already had about six months to deal with everything.  At this point, pretty much everything has been purged from my environment. Pictures have been deleted or removed.  Mementos have been thrown out into the garbage, never to be seen again.  There are no ghosts of my ex-wife in this house, because she never really lived in this house.  I've made this house mine since then. I went through my cancer, and that made me stronger mentally. And I have a great support group that has helped me to deal with all of this and make me realize what kind of person I really am...a good one. 

I know what you're thinking.  Just because I'm writing it in my blog, it proves that I'm not over it.  I am not 100% over the hurt, but writing it in my blog helps me inch closer to that goal.  And I want people to know that I'm pretty much getting there and I'm doing it in a healthy and reasonable way.  I'm still going to do the things that I should do now with my new-found freedom (travel, volunteer, spend time with family/friends, etc.).   

And just because I'm not 100% over it, doesn't mean I'm going to be a hermit.  I can and  should be dating. In fact, I know that the sooner that meeting people that I am interested in, the sooner it is that the hurt just goes away.  However, I'm not going to be that guy that jumps into any relationship immediately, because that could be disastrous.  I will take my time so that it is fair to me and to that other person. 

I guess I'll have to be a bit more aware of what happened to me in my past will be perceived by those who don't know the real me.  I won't lie about it, but I'll probably not be so upfront about it.  It's just unfortunate that this has become my legacy.

It's amazing how much support I've gotten from people.  Even still, I get emails from friends I haven't seen or talk to in a while.  That's just truly awesome. 

During this past weekend, I was at my cousin's engagement party in Houston.  I saw pretty much everyone in the family.  It was great seeing them and we had alot of fun dancing.  It was good to see Amar and Anita happy.  Congrats to them.  Can't wait for the wedding!

Afterwards, we had the usual afterparty.  My cousin's were telling me how much they read my blog.  I know that they are reading this right now.  :-) 

I guess that's why we are who we are.  The Arora's.  That's our family, we support each other.  One person gets sick, we're there.  One person goes through a hard time, we're there for them.  And when one writes meanless dribble on his/her blog, they read it and even say nice things about it.

So to them and to everyone else.  I say thank you for everything. 

Lately, I've let Shruti's recent actions eat up at me and leave me with a taste of bitterness in my mouth.  Even though I've mentioned that things were better, she has done a few things that have basically put everything back to square one.  So, I'm still a bit pissed off about things.  I am still hurt by everything that she did, and her recent behavior reminded me of that.  I'm also pretty mad at myself for letting a person like her bother me so much.  I've had a few people kick my ass and tell me to snap out of it.  I get the message. I'm a better person than she is. Karma will find a way to deal with her.

It'll take a little bit of time.  And there will be times when it'll still bother me, but not as much as it did the day before.  But I will move on from this.  It is what it is, and I accept that.  And I'm not going to let it affect my future relationships.  And from what I've seen already, there are a lot better people out there. 

I know now that maybe it wasn't really my fault after all.  I did the best that I could do, and probably the best that any person could do with a person like her.

This is the last blog entry I will ever mention her again.  Now, I'm officially single again.  I don't have to take care of her.  I don't even have to care about her (which I don't). 

I'm free now.  That's all I have to say. 

Yesterday was the 2008 MUDD Volleyball event, which raises money for the March of Dimes.  The March of Dimes "is a nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality."  Our team was organized by one of my fellow kickball teammates. 

For those who've never played MUDD volleyball, it's simply volleyball in knee deep of muddy water.  You basically can't move much, hence why there is eight players per side.  It was such a blast playing out there and getting pretty dirty.  Of course, there was some beers involved as well.  All money going to the March of Dimes, so it is a worthwhile cause.

Pictures coming soon...

In my last blog entry, I mentioned that there was a bit of reluctance to leave Denver.  So, today, I officially took my house off the market.  I'm staying put....for now.

It is a good weight off my shoulders because now I can focus on feeling stable again.  I can focus on doing things in the house that I've been wanting to.  I can now commit myself to meeting new friends in the area.  I've been playing around with the idea of starting a club on Meetup.com to meet fellow Indians in the area.  I can finally get a dog!

I know that my head keeps going back and forth.  But, when I was in Detroit, my parents helped me realize that being alone or bored will happen anywhere I go.  So, I can't use that as a reason to leave.  And, now, Shruti and I do talk in a more cordial way so I'm not too worried about running into her and being all emotional.  So, with that, the only thing that I don't like about Denver is diversity, but I'm willing to see what's up with all that with some meet up groups or something. 

The option to move overseas may still come up next year.  So, I guess I will wait until the opportunity actually materializes before I start thinking of picking up and taking off.  So, I'm staying put for now and will give this place at least one more year.  Got to make the most of it now.