This past weekend, my family and I attended a wedding for Ruchi and Jason. As a background, Renu and I grew up with Ruchi and her brother Shan. Our parents are great friends. I really wanted to go to this wedding. I had missed Shan's wedding, and I heard it was so much fun. Second, because I grew up with them, it's like seeing my sister getting married. Third, they supported me and my parents during all of the garbage that happened this year. So, it was important.
We had a blast. Everything was done up so well. Plenty of dancing...plenty of drinks. It was good to see some old friends that I haven't seen in many years. It was also good to see everyone having a good time, even seeing Shan dance on the dance floor. I had so much fun. It almost felt like an Arora wedding.
But, through this whole weekend, all I could really think about was "what a waste!" What I mean is that my wedding/marriage became a waste of something really beautiful.
I expected to be married for life to someone who was ready to be with me and who was ready to take this journey with a degree of seriousness. Marriage is not something that I entered into lightly. I didn't do it just get married nor to get divorced. I took everything that it stood for pretty seriously. I was reminded of all those things when at this wedding, vows and all.
So, now, I'm dating again. I know that eventually I want to get married again. But, it's hard for me to imagine wanting to go through all of that pomp and circumstance. I don't want to spend the loads of money on a fancy ring. I wouldn't even want to have a big wedding with all of the family around. I would rather just do something totally private with me and that person. No gifts, no attention, no nothing. My family did so much for me the first time around. My parents spent a lot of money on the party itself. The rest of my family spent a lot of money on flying in and on gifts. They did more than I would ever expect and could ever ask.
And I guess I feel even worse because she was not the right person. There were a few times early on in that relationship when I was considering breaking up with her, basically for the some of the same reasons I know now that she wasn't the right person for me. So, I feel a little guilty for pulling others into something that ended up being a farce.
Of course, that all pretty much sucks because it's totally unfair. Basically, it feels like she has ruined it for the person I'm supposed to really be with. And that's not right. The person I end up marrying should get whatever she wants, even if some of those things I do not want. And my future wife will be on that pedestal that she deserves to be.
So, now, it's something I have to deal with. I'll be constantly reminded of this. Next year, I'll be around people younger than me, getting married or having kids. I'll be reminded about how things weren't so successful for me and how delayed things are now. Again, my legacy.
It's a slow process. I know that. I'll just have to deal with it. In the meantime, I might as well enjoy the party.
We had a blast. Everything was done up so well. Plenty of dancing...plenty of drinks. It was good to see some old friends that I haven't seen in many years. It was also good to see everyone having a good time, even seeing Shan dance on the dance floor. I had so much fun. It almost felt like an Arora wedding.
But, through this whole weekend, all I could really think about was "what a waste!" What I mean is that my wedding/marriage became a waste of something really beautiful.
I expected to be married for life to someone who was ready to be with me and who was ready to take this journey with a degree of seriousness. Marriage is not something that I entered into lightly. I didn't do it just get married nor to get divorced. I took everything that it stood for pretty seriously. I was reminded of all those things when at this wedding, vows and all.
So, now, I'm dating again. I know that eventually I want to get married again. But, it's hard for me to imagine wanting to go through all of that pomp and circumstance. I don't want to spend the loads of money on a fancy ring. I wouldn't even want to have a big wedding with all of the family around. I would rather just do something totally private with me and that person. No gifts, no attention, no nothing. My family did so much for me the first time around. My parents spent a lot of money on the party itself. The rest of my family spent a lot of money on flying in and on gifts. They did more than I would ever expect and could ever ask.
And I guess I feel even worse because she was not the right person. There were a few times early on in that relationship when I was considering breaking up with her, basically for the some of the same reasons I know now that she wasn't the right person for me. So, I feel a little guilty for pulling others into something that ended up being a farce.
Of course, that all pretty much sucks because it's totally unfair. Basically, it feels like she has ruined it for the person I'm supposed to really be with. And that's not right. The person I end up marrying should get whatever she wants, even if some of those things I do not want. And my future wife will be on that pedestal that she deserves to be.
So, now, it's something I have to deal with. I'll be constantly reminded of this. Next year, I'll be around people younger than me, getting married or having kids. I'll be reminded about how things weren't so successful for me and how delayed things are now. Again, my legacy.
It's a slow process. I know that. I'll just have to deal with it. In the meantime, I might as well enjoy the party.
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