December 2008 Archives

Finally, 2008 is coming to a close.  As the new year has been approaching, I've been growing more anxious.  I really want this year to end and to be able to put it all behind me.  As I told a friend of mine, this was the worst year (33 out of 33) so far.  I really cannot think of any year that was any worse for me.  Of course, I have to reshuffle what I would be consider my best year.  I used to think the years 2004 to 2007 were the best, because I thought I was with someone special and my health was in tip-top shape.  But that all changed this past year.

I try to break up the two major events into separate summaries, but it's really hard to do so because the happened at the same time and they are intertwined.  I was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma on February 18.  It was a pretty scary time for me.  Two days before my first chemo infusion, March 15, my ex-wife decided to tell me that she was leaving me.  That was even worse because I had no other support system set up at the time.  I had to call my sister to fly out last minute to help me.  That was pretty shitty of my ex-wife to be, frankly, an indecent human being.  (This is the reason why my sister and other family and friends still refer her as "the bitch.")   So, because of that, I opted for a divorce instead of the separation that she wanted, because there would have been no way that I could ever be with a person like that.  While the divorce procedings were happening, I underwent through two months of chemo treatments and three weeks of radiation, and soon after, I was declared in remission.  Then the divorce was finally settled.  I had accepted the results of that, even though I never thought it was fair to me.  I still feel I got burned for being the nice guy.  Even then, I tried to be the calm one and be friendly towards her.  Of course, she tried to burn me once again.  At that point, I decided that I do not ever want to have anything to do with her again.  And that's that. 

So, you can probably see why I'd think that 2008 really sucked.  Aside those events, there have been other things that sucked.  My cousin Kapil is going through a divorce.  The Michigan Wolverines football team had their worst season in a long time.  The Detroit Lions lost everyone of their games.  There is so much economic uncertainty.  Crazy year.

Luckily 2008 ended with some good things, too.  I've have my hair and so far, I'm still in remission.  I rediscovered how great my family and friends are.  I found out that my sister will giving me a niece or nephew.  I still have a great job that gives me the flexibility that I needed, especially after dealing with what I did.  I still have a great house that I can't wait to put more work into.  And I've made a lot of good friends that I know I will be hanging out with in the new year. 

So, the transition from 2008 to 2009 is more symbolic than anything.  I feel like I can just put things behind me.  I still have to deal with my cancer and all of the follow up visits.  I'm definitely living a healthier lifestyle now.  I'm also using my experience with cancer as an impetus to doing more volunteer work.  I also still have to deal with the aftermath of my divorce.  I see a therapist, and that helps a lot.  I've gone through the house and purged a lot of things that feel like the past and are now "tainted".  I'm selling furniture to make room for the new furniture.  Out with the old and in with the new. 

I already feel like 2009 is going to be a great year.

Happy Holidays to everyone!  One more week left for this crappy year. 

It's Christmas morning here in Sterling Heights.  I'm hanging out with my parents here in the house I grew up with.  Christmas is a lot different now.  Unlike when we were kids, there isn't the same level of enthusiasm for sleeping early so we can get up early to open gifts.  With my sister married, she has to alternate between the her family and her husband's family, and this year, she's spending Christmas with her in-laws for most of the day.  So, I am not even sure when we'll even open our gifts.

So, this year is also different because I am single again.  I can't really say I know how I feel about that.  It's really not much different than it was years ago, when I was single.  So, I guess things are back to square one.  I love this time of year.  It always feels comforting to be back home with family.  I guess I thought I would be sharing that with my significant other and possibly my own kids.  But that's not the case, and I have to just get through this Christmas like any other day. 

I'm somewhat glad I'm single, because as I reflect on what it meant to be with her at this time of year, I realize that it wasn't comforting as it should be.  I'm not referring to the alternating between families.  That's something I was willing to do.  But I think it's more about attitude.  I remember the first Christmas in Denver.  We had just moved there.  On Christmas day, we had a fight.  I was pretty resentful because I wanted to be home for Christmas with family and I was willing to go through the hassles to get there (just like two days ago).  I was more resentful because she didn't care as much.  All I wanted from her was that desire too, and I never got that.  When I got married, I also thought we'd be a family and do the things that families do.  For example, Christmas cards.  It's almost like a rite of passage.  But then I found that I was the one who had to drive that.  And I am realizing how much she did not share in those same things that I appreciate about this time of year.  And how can you not understand the significance of watching a 24 hours of A Christmas Story?

Now, I have that freedom to make that effort again.  I know that the next person I am with needs to have that same appreciation of this holiday.  I figured that if she has a good head on her shoulders, she would have that same appreciation.  After all, Christmas is a special time of year, even if you're not religious.

My day did not involve planes, but it might as well of.  I was trying to get to Detroit from Chicago, a trip which is normally about one hour by plane, or 6 hours by car.  But it ended up being a nightmare.

Originally, I was supposed to go with my cousin.  Then he had to get his car serviced, which will take forever.  So, I decided to take the Amtrak train.  It was much cheaper for a last minute deal.  And why not?  It would be relaxing.  I could watch some movies on my laptop.  I can get home at a decent hour and be able to relax at home.  So, I thought.

First train was at 8:30am.  I got at the station at a reasonable time, stood in line for 15 minutes, only to find out that the train was canceled because of weather.  Oh man.  Of course, the only option they gave me was to go the following day, or to take a bus to Detroit.  I decided to go back to my sister's place and regroup.  While on my way back, my sister got me a train ticket for the 12:15 train.  Now, I don't know why I wasn't given that option at the ticket counter.

Ok, so now, I get to the station for the 12:15pm train.  Lines are a bit longer.  From the monitor, I see that the train is delayed.  I don't know why they didn't say canceled for the earlier train.  Ok.  This time, I tried the self-service kiosk to get my ticket printed.  I don't know what I did, but somehow I got my 8:30 ticket printed out and charged to my credit card.  ARGH.  So, now I stand in line to try to figure out what's going on.  Because the line is slow, one Amtrak employee is directing.  I basically complained to him about the kiosk and he offered to show me how to actually use it.  I felt pretty stupid because there was the right ticket ready to be printed out.  Ok...I have two tickets, the first I will deal with later.  Time to go to the lounge to wait for the train.  It was completely packed full of people.  No organization what-so-ever.  People for different trains are all scattered.  Nothing on the monitors tell which gates are for what trains.  So, you have to just listen.  One of the funny things that I heard was a train boarding for a train that was for the previous day.  And of course, I heard that my train was just going to be late because of mechanical issues with the engine.  So, the wait ended up being about 2 hours.  Once they announced the boarding, it was just a mob mentality, everyone just gathering to one gate.  Again, no organization. 

So, at this point we're off.  I'm still not sure why this train was running at this time and the earlier one canceled.  The weather seems to be much worse.  But, I'm not going to complain, yet.  At the beginning of the right, they mentioned that the food cab will open in an hour.  That's good, because I'm hungry.  I didn't eat lunch, and all I had was a bag of chips and a diet coke to my name.  So, at least I could get something.  Of course, about one hour into it, they announced that they didn't have enough time to stock up, so there's no food service at all for the entire trip.  ARGH....another thing to deal with.  But what can I do.  Maybe I'll get home at a decent time to get some food. 

So, I'm watching my movies.  At some point, we stopped in Jackson.  They announced that they will be passing out sandwiches.  That was good, because I was really hungry.  But, no drinks.  I'm not going to complain right now. 

We pull into the Detroit station, which is one stop before mine.  Not too much longer. Bam.  Train engine is having mechanical failures, and they don't know how long it would be.  So, I call my parents who are picking me up.  They decide to drive in the freezing rain from the Royal Oak to the Detroit station.  So, I get off at this point.  Who knows how long it would take to get this going again?  So, I'm waiting at the station, my parents are about two miles away according to the gps.  I see one of the conductors coming out with all her belongings yelling at another conductor.  She's yelling at him, probably pissed about the delays.  He's just trying to get her back to her job.  She was pretty unprofessional. 

The train is going again, but the commitment was already made to wait at the station.  So, I get a call.  Apparently, the gps has taken my parents to a different part of town, to the wrong place.  Driving in Detroit is difficult enough.  But with it snowing/raining, dark, having not the best eyesight in the world, the night was going to get longer.  Luckily, I had a map at the station to look at, with my iPhone to look up directions.  I had to direct my parents to the station.  Of course, there were many wrong turns.  People at the station were laughing when I kept on saying, "You're going in the wrong direction".  It was really amusing.  So, they finally showed up at the station at 11:30.  At this point, it's late.  I take the reigns and drive home.  Finally home by 12:30am.  A long day, but amusing nonetheless.  I guess I can't complain since there are always people in a worse situation. 

I'm just glad to be at home

I've been extremely busy in the last several weeks, and I've not found the time to do much blogging.  And I've not been really dwelling on too many things as of late.  Right now, it feels like what I just want to do is put my head down and barrel through the rest of this year.  I just want to get to January 1, 2009, to get that feeling of a fresh start. 

So, what have I been up to?  A lot of travel.  For thanksgiving, I spent about a week back in Sterling Heights, hanging out with family.  It was a really good time to be able to hang out with my cousins.  Fried turkey is still a novelty to us since we never did that growing up.  So, there we were huddling outside, watching the boiling oil, air smelling like a fish fry.  Oh...that turkey was all so good.  And it is always good to play with the kids.  Of course, the Detroit casino.  I probably should have stopped when I was ahead.  That's all I need to say.

I can finally breathe a sigh of relief because my sister finally told the rest of the family that she and her husband are going to be parents!  That's right, I'll be a mama (uncle for all you non-Hindi types).  I'm pretty excited, although I won't be as excited until it actually happens.  I'll have to admit that it's a bit bittersweet.  While I'm excited for them, I guess I thought I would have been in that position by now.  To think that my ex-wife and I were trying at the beginning of this year, and we had hoped it would happen by the end of the year.  But, I am being selfish feeling a little jealous.  I have to remind myself that it would have been a mistake to have a child with her.  It would have been unfair to that kid. 

Then I was in Santa Clara for work.  Pretty much standard work stuff.  Didn't do a whole lot outside of work because I felt sick part of that week. 

But I was definitely feeling better to make it to Steamboat, which I was contemplating skipping because I was a bit tired from not being home and from being sick.  So, a while ago I joined a meetup called the Colorado Ski and Snowboard.  Every year, there's a big Steamboat trip.  While most people are from the Colorado area, there are a few people who fly in for the trip.  I definitely had a blast.  I did get some snowboarding in there, which was pretty challenging.  Of course, there was all the socializing.  I did meet a bunch of new people.  So, it was a great trip.

Now, I'm here in Chicago for the Christmas holidays.  I wanted to come out to Chicago to hang out with my sister and bro-in-law, before the kid came into the picture.  I also wanted to meet up with some other people as well, especially my sister's friend who was kind enough to think of me when I was going through the cancer.  So, this weekend will be about just hanging out and enjoying Chicago with family and friends.  After being here for a few days, even though it's been bitterly cold.  I do sometimes think that it would be great to live here.  It just feels so comfortable here.  I guess I've been here so many times that it just feels more like home, even more than the Bay Area, which was my home for seven years.  But right now, I do like Denver too.  So, we'll see how things play out in the next couple of years. 

For now, I'm so ready for this year to end....but at least I'm going to live it up until then.