September 2009 Archives

Erasing History

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During the divorce, I put all of the pictures that involved my ex on a backup hard drive, which I placed in a safe deposit box in the bank.  I did this so I would not be tempted to look at them, for any reason.  After over a year, I finally pulled out that hard drive.  I was actually looking for my Peru pictures because I wanted to print some of them out.  But then I took the opportunity to do something I was ready to do.  Delete them.

I dragged the wedding, engagement photos into the trash can.

I watched as the progress bar ticked forward, telling me how many pictures were left to delete.

Poof!  Done.  Those pictures are now permanently gone.  I have no easy way of getting them back. 

It wasn't easy to do that.  My heart was actually pounding when I did. It still is pounding a little bit.  It wasn't pounding because of an emotional connection to the picture or the person in the picture.  I don't have that connection.  It had to do with the fact that I was deleting a piece of my history.  I don't really like the idea of deleting something permanently, even if it's something I need to move on from. 

But who would I need to pass my history down to?  There is noone.

I also sifted through the rest of the pics to delete her from the albums that I did want to keep.  And now, those pics are permanently gone. 

Off goes the band-aid.  It's done.