Dealing with the past is a tricky thing. It’s even trickier on how you use what you’ve learned when approaching new relationships.
My past is behind me, but it doesn’t mean that the past isn’t going to affect me. Putting my heart out there actually scares me a little more than I thought it would. It scares the living shit out of me at times. In the end though, I’ve realized that it’s going and I’m just going to have to take that risk again. I’m willing to put my heart on the line to find that healthy relationship. It goes without saying that I could get hurt again. But that’s just the way it has to go.
As I was coming back from Toronto today, I realized that part of my past is still lingering around: the blog entries. When I had written them, I was angry and hurt. These entries were more directed to the person I was angry at.
But this isn’t me anymore. I’m not hurt. I’m not angry. I’m more likely to be more upset with myself for any mistakes that I made along the way. Regardless, those are fleeting thoughts.
My cancer entries are now meant for helping others who are going through their things with cancer. And that is important to me. The blog entries about my divorce is almost too personal and I don’t believe they benefit me or anyone else for that matter. I don’t go back and read them. So, I’ve gone back and deleted/edited entries related to my divorce.
I’m not hiding the fact that I went through it. At this point, I just say “I’m divorced, whoop-dee-doo.” I’ll be open and honest about those things whenever someone wants to really know. But now, the story is focused more on the future, who I am now, and how I’ve learned to get where I am today.
That’s the better story.